There are times here in Uganda that I come to wonder…what am I doing here? Not that I actually question the reason for my presence in Uganda, but I question my ability to adjust to the culture, new language and ways of the people. I find myself trying to impose my “Western Ideas” on certain situations and the outcome is rarely good. I try to communicate and fail, I attempt to give my opinion and it is the wrong one, I stand up for my rights only to find out that they haven’t been violated, I try to answer the question posed to me to the best of my ability only to find that I am giving too much information and should just keep quiet after a simple answer of least information possible.
I have become completely used to the fact that I am the only white face for miles, and that I will only see that face if I look in the mirror…I find myself thinking that I blend in, that I’m n different than anyone else…only to have the word “Mzungu!!!”(meaning “white person”) Ring out from the lips of nearly every man, woman and child who sees me….clearly I will never “blend in”. I can only hope that with time, the novelty of seeing me will fade, that people will get used to me and that they can accept me as part of the community instead of some sort of tourist attraction to call everyone’s attention to…
As a result of being so different from everyone else, and sticking our like a sore thumb…I can rarely just relax and feel free…because I am always on stage, with a full audience watching my every move, how I walk, talk, eat, drink and breathe. It can be exhausting at times and I am often so happy to come home to the familiarity of the HOME/OMUKA house and the comfort of my family who is more than used to me. Thank God for family. There is a peaceful atmosphere of acceptance and ease and it is nice to walk off stage to the safety behind the curtain J
Don’t get me wrong, most days all is well and I love the cries of local children calling my Ugandan nickname “Mzungu!! Mzungu!!” and waving and shrieking and cheering….but I’m talking about the days when it is just too much and I don’t have the energy to wave, smile and answer to every call as I walk down the dirt road to find a ride to town. Some days I just want to be a normal person running my errands and doing my things…
I may sound like a spoiled brat talking about this…but I tell you it is not easy to live your life on a stage, and this is a tiny little stage…it’s not like I’m a celebrity or anything! I cannot imagine that life…when I think of that life in front of all those cameras… I am thankful for the privacy my life does afford me. I am thankful for my place on the earth and for this amazing chance to live in another culture and learn new things, and expand my thinking…I am thankful for the love and acceptance of my family here in Uganda and the constant support, advice and assistance from my dear Husband.
Maybe with time I will assimilate to the point that people will see that, though I am not Ugandan, I belong here. Then maybe they will utter the general greeting of a neighbor, and continue with their work…and I will answer back and smile and continue on my way….I will not be the person they point at or stare at or call out to or talk about at supper that night…..just a passing neighbor….just like everyone else.
“You are an original. n individual, a masterpiece. Celebrate that; don’t let your uniqueness make you shy. Don’t be someone other than the wonder that you are.”
-Douglas Pagels
“live in the present, and make it so wonderful that it will be worth remembering.” -Ida Scott Taylor
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